How to Find a Therapist

Each mental health professional, therapist, counsellor or doctor brings different training, experience, insights, and character to the table. How can you find a therapist who is right for you? Take heart, for the search will be worth the effort. “A good therapist, however you find them, is gold,” Don Turner, MD, a private practice psychiatrist for 30 years in Atlanta. “A good therapist is nonjudgmental, accepting, and patient. But how do you find just the right one for you?

Let’s start by looking at the professional labels:

Psychiatrists: These are doctors who specialize in the diagnosis and treatment of mental or psychiatric illnesses. They have medical training and are licensed to prescribe drugs. They are also trained in psychotherapy, or “talk” therapy, which aims to change a person’s behaviors or thought patterns.

Psychologists: Clinical psychologists work with patients who have mental, emotional and behavioral disorders. The field represents a prominent specialty within the broad field of psychology. Clinical psychologists work in a wide variety of healthcare settings, such as private practice offices and hospitals, but they also work in schools, governmental agencies and industries.

Social Workers: Social work is a profession concerned with helping individuals, families, groups and communities to enhance their individual and collective well-being. It aims at helping them develop their skills and the ability to use their own resources and those of the community to resolve problems. Social work is concerned with individual and personal problems but also with broader social issues such as poverty, unemployment and domestic violence.

Ok so now you have a definition of the terms, let’s move on to gender: narrow your search by deciding whether you want to work with a man or a woman. Choosing the right gender of counsellor will probably be instinctive and you may already know – when you picture a counsellor providing the kind of support you need, do you see a man or a woman? Remember that in the end you can’t get it wrong. Take solace in knowing that you can always change counsellors if you find the therapy isn’t giving you what you need.

Ask friends and family
Ask friends who are in therapy if they like their therapist. If they do, find out what it is they like about them and ask your friend to ask her therapist for a list of referrals. If none of your friends are in therapy or if they tell you that they don’t like their therapist and how they keep going just because they don’t want to hurt the therapist’s feelings, it is best to get a referral elsewhere.
You don’t want a therapist who is convenient—you want a therapist who is good. Good and convenient do not often go hand in hand. I could have a therapist that is only five minutes from my house but I believe he/she is worth the hour drive. And, I find the 60-minute drive home to be an important time to process my feelings.
Ask a professional you already work with and trust.Your accountant, lawyer, dentist, physician – any professional you have a relationship with who honors your confidentiality is a good resource. These people all run businesses as well as provide services, as do many psychotherapists in private practice. They are well connected in the community and refer to each other all the time.
By the way, when asking anyone for a referral to a mental health therapist you do not have to go into the details of why you’re looking for someone unless you want to. It’s enough just to say, “I’m having some problems and I’d like to consult a therapist about it. Do you recommend anyone?”

Use a known therapist as a resource.If you have a friend or a friend’s friend who is a therapist, ask them for a referral. Therapists refer to one another all the time. They will understand that you don’t want to see them (for whatever reason, you don’t have to say) but you want a recommendation from them. In other words, even if it doesn’t feel right going to your sister’s therapist, if your sister really likes her therapist he or she could probably give you a couple of names of good, qualified therapists in the community.

Use resources at work.Many places of employment have what’s called an Employee Assistance Program(EAP). These services might be in-house or out-sourced but the purpose of EAPs is to provide emotional support and counseling for employees in complete privacy and as part of the employee’s benefit package. EAPs are often part of the Human Resource department so ask there if your company has an EAP and how to access it. Usually you would see a counselor at the EAP for a set number of sessions (no charge to you) and if you want to continue they will refer you to a therapist in the community who will take your insurance.
Schools and Universities are resources.Your child’s school is likely to have a school counselor or nurse and that person knows therapists in your district to refer you or your child to, if that is what’s needed. Universities and colleges are investing more and more in their campus mental health services. Counseling Centers (often part of Health Services under the Student Affairs department) on campus have qualified psychologists and social workers on stand-by to help with a wide range of situations for current students. Like EAPs, if you need longer term services beyond what they can provide they will see to it that you are linked properly for your continuity of care. As an alum or faculty you should be able to access the counseling center as a resource for a referral.
Use your insurance company.You may be lucky and have an insurance company with a truly helpful customer service department. If they do their job right, they should be able to suggest therapists who participate on their panel (which means they have been vetted from here to eternity for all the right professional credentials) and who specialize in what you need.
Forget the yellow pages.A yellow pages listing is expensive so a lot of good people aren’t there. There is no oversight or regulation of who can list.
Use the Internet.The difference between the web and the yellow pages is that, for the therapist, listing on reliable websites is not nearly as expensive AND reliable sites require a minimum of professional qualifications to be listed. A good listing on provides you with information regarding the professional’s qualifications, what areas of expertise they may have, how long they’ve been in practice. They should also have practical stuff posted like phone numbers, where their office is located, office hours and whether or not they accept your insurance.
Do a Google search.Once you have a few names go ahead and google them. If they have a blog or a website, explore them. Often you can get a sense of who they are by what they write or what is written about them. Not finding them there is not a reason to rule them out. When therapist shopping look for therapists who are not selling themselves but rather seem to be trying to tell you about their work and their philosophyof working with patients.
Don’t limit yourself.Don’t set limits on yourself unnecessarily by title or by logistics. I refer to as many social workers as I do psychologists. Even some psychiatrists provide psychotherapy along with medication management. Studies show that once core requirements are met in education and certification, the effectiveness of a therapist is not dictated by what letters they have after their name.

Call them
When you find a therapist to call—then call them. It sounds easier than it is; have some questions ready like:
* Where did they go to school? The best schools don’t necessarily make for the best therapists. When asking this, listen to the answer, make sure that it is an accredited school.
* Have they worked with people with your issues? Share a little on the phone about your presenting issue and see how the therapist responds.
* What is their training? If they say they are trained, find out if it was a one day seminar in EMDR and/or if they took a three-hour online course in psychoanalysis.
* Are they licensed? If they say that they are, still look up their governing body and make sure.
Before setting up the appointment, find out their fee and discuss if you need sliding scale or if you are planning on using insurance. If you like everything about them but their rate and is more than you can manage, tell them that. If they can slide no lower, then ask for referrals. They might know someone who works like they do at a lower fee.
Notice
A good counsellor will always make 5 or 10 minutes to chat to you about what you might need and to answer any questions you might have. This initial contact will also give you the opportunity to develop your feeling for this person. Again, listen to yourself and trust what is happening inside you. You may even want to voice any concerns to the counsellor during this conversation and see how he/she responds. Don’t feel you have to make a decision there and then. You are under no obligation. You can think it over and give yourself time to compare other counsellors. On your first appointment, notice how you feel when you are in the room with them. Do you feel heard when you speak? Notice how you feel in that person’s presence. Notice everything. You might not decide on the first session if the therapist is for you. It may take some time to determine if you have picked the right therapist. If you decide that it isn’t a good match, then you don’t need to come back. It is best to tell the therapist what it is you’re looking for and why he/she isn’t the best fit for you, as the therapist might have some ideas for a referral that would work for you. And sometimes that desire to not come back is motivated by some more unconscious anxieties about being in therapy. Best to discuss those, too.
Skype and telephone.If you live in an area where it is difficult to find a mental health professional locally, you can always turn to tele-sessions using the telephone or Skype. WhileSkype counseling is a specialized service on the cutting edge, there are therapists world-wide providing on-line counseling. Skype sessions are available to anyone anywhere as long as the technology is available and a common language is spoken.
One last thought in your search for a therapist:Try to gather at least two or three names from any given source. That way you can cross-reference, and have choices if one doesn’t work out, moved out of town, retired or just doesn’t suit you. You have a right, even a responsibility to yourself, to be picky.

Sorting It Out

When you start your search, keep an open mind. A therapist does not need decades of experience — or a degree from an ivy-league school — to be helpful, says Turner. “Credentials aren’t everything,” says Robert Baker, PhD, a psychologist and program director of the behavioral medicine unit at the Ochsner Clinic in New Orleans. “Even people with great credentials aren’t necessarily great therapists. They may be smart, but that doesn’t mean they have good common sense.”

Ask questions: How long has the therapist been in practice? How many patients have had your problem? What were the results? Ask about policies, fees, payment. “But don’t bargain hunt for mental health care,” says Weiss. “You find a therapist in the same way you choose any health care professional”. “They must be professional, credentialed, and competent, with no lawsuits against them. And they must be an intuitive fit — you can’t underestimate the absolute value of feeling a good intuitive match with somebody. Also, if you ask them questions about themselves, and they get defensive, go somewhere else.”

Ask yourself:

Do I feel reasonably OK with this person? “Feeling totally comfortable isn’t the best criteria, because if you’re too comfortable, you’re just chit chatting, and that doesn’t help you,” says Baker.
Is the therapist really listening to me? Is he or she asking enough questions? Especially in the first sessions, the therapist should be asking many questions, to become acquainted with you and the issues you are dealing with.
Has the therapist asked what outcome you want from therapy — how you want your life to be? How will you know when you get there, if neither the patient nor the therapist has established a goal?
Does what the therapist say make sense? Does it seem like bad advice? Does it help you or not?

The ‘fit’ between counsellor and client is possibly one of the most important criteria for a successful outcome in therapy. This ‘fit’ might come in some surprising shapes. True, the level of training, experience, skill and competence are all very important. A counsellor needs to have a good solid grounding in some kind of process or method, and good solid experience, but if there is something not quite right in the relationship between you then this may not be the right counsellor for you. Moreover, this feeling of ‘not quite right’ may be the very thing that needs addressing in therapy. The client-counsellor relationship becomes a microcosm of the client’s larger life and the more you can risk of yourself here (once there is enough trust in the relationship), then the more you will benefit from the therapy.

To clarify a counsellor isn’t there to make you feel good about yourself, but they’re also not there to abuse or insult you. Rather they are there to help you understand why you feel the way that you do so that you can have more choice in the matter. This ultimately will empower you to feel good about yourself. It’s a crucial difference. A counsellor may at times be challenging and almost certainly will need to touch some sore spots, but he or she ought to be able to do this in a supportive and constructive way.

It is also very important to find a counsellor who has had some life experience. Technical competence and study of what makes good, effective therapy is very important, but counselling is as much an art as it is a science. One must have experienced something of life in order have some of the qualities crucial to providing good therapy: empathy, compassion, humility, non-defensiveness, non-judgemental-ness, acceptance of, and willingness to enter the client’s world. These are qualities which will become obvious at the first or second meeting, and certainly as the therapy progresses.

So, how do you find the right counsellor? There is no simple answer. You won’t fully know until you start working with one. At the end of the day you are under no obligation to continue to work with a particular counsellor. If it doesn’t feel right for you, then vote with your feet and find yourself another. Do first consider very carefully what it is that doesn’t feel right or isn’t working. This may be the very thing you need to address in your therapy and challenge in yourself and in your counsellor. It is a fine line between being a masochist, and staying with a challenging situation in order to resolve it and grow. There is also a difference between your counsellor making you feel uncomfortable, and having uncomfortable feelings during the course of the therapy. With the former it is probably right to leave. With the latter – this might be your current growing edge. Use the relationship between you and the counsellor to work this out. Talk about it. Trust your belly. If it really isn’t going anywhere or if the counsellor can’t or won’t meet you in the challenge then walk away and find another. Depending on what your issues are, simply saying ‘no’ to what isn’t right for you may be the most healing thing you can do for yourself.