Transitions
Ready or not, we all go through numerous transitions in our lives – leaving high school to go to college or work, changing jobs, getting married, having children or retiring. Whatever the circumstances, navigating this gray zone of transitions can be difficult, presenting us with new problems and demanding us to respond in new ways. Here are some tips for surviving and thriving through these difficult and uncertain times:
Expect to feel depressed and anxious.
A loss is still a loss, a major change in life. If the change is a promotion, a person is still going to leave behind both colleagues that we have grown close to and a job that has become comfortable and familiar. Whenever we move forward we leave something behind, and this creates a psychological state of grief, however small. And if the change is unexpected and unwanted– the sudden job layoff or relationship breakup – the shock and depression are greater. And with such turmoil comes anxiety. We are out of our comfort zone; our imaginations run wild; we worry about an unknown future.
It is important to remind yourself why you chose to make the change.
In the midst of feeling a little lost during a transition, it can be easy to regret your decision. Why did I break up with Dennis? I’m lonely and it’s hard to find someone new. When doubt creeps in, review the reasons you made your decision: I broke up with Dennis because he didn’t treat me very well and I wasn’t happy in our relationship. I knew I didn’t want to be with him long term, and wouldn’t be able to move on while I was involved still with him. When you see the big picture, it helps you move from feeling overwhelmed to understanding that this is a temporary adjustment, and while it’s difficult now, you are willing to go through some uncertainty and discomfort for the long term gain.
Realize that this is a new / old chapter in your life.
While you need to acknowledge your loss, you don’t want to get stuck in the past. Acknowledging that a door is closed is psychologically healthy; spending your time staring at it is not.
While it sounds like a cliché, the next step after an end is a new beginning, a new chapter, and keeping this in mind can give you a sense of a fresh start. And while the particular circumstances are new, the process itself is familiar. You have, after all, made transitions before – changing schools, neighborhoods, relationships, jobs. You know the terrain, you’ve acquired experience and skills along the way. You can do this again, and this time even better.
Recognize that transitions are hard because they can shake your sense of identity.
We naturally define ourselves in part by our surroundings. When these surrounds change, it can be disorienting. Getting married changes your identity from a single person to a partner. Having a child changes your sense of identity from wife or daughter to now include being a mother. A new job changes your identity or role at work
Think positive, think opportunity.
During times of transition, when everything seems to be in flux, when your old patterns have collapsed, you may feel unsteady but are also most malleable to change. Now is the time to explore, brainstorm, and consider the make-over before your life begins to naturally solidify into new patterns. This is the time to think outside the box.
Hit the ground running.
Don’t take too long to get started. Take a look at the parts of yourself and your life that you most value— how can you bring those parts of yourself into your new role? Next, look at the areas of yourself that you’d like to make changes to. Perhaps you’ve been neglectful of some important area of your life. Transitions are an opportunity to begin practicing new habits and ways of interacting with others. We are creatures of habit and routine, and those routines can congeal quickly. If you let anxiety take over you may easily find herself in six months in the same old rut. The momentum is lost and it will feel harder to break out. As soon as those boxes are unpacked, or even before, you need to have a plan and get moving on it. But the plans also have to have realistic timeframes and expectations, you need to be patient, realize that it may take a year to feel confident in your new position. Anything less and you are only adding pressure and stress.
Get support.
It’s tough to do this all on your own. Make an effort to stay connected; keep in touch with your family, call up an old friend who lives in the area you just moved to, volunteer or get involved in an organization, ask a new co-worked to join you for lunch. Find people who you can really talk to; whether it’s a trusted friend or close family member, being able to share how you’re really feeling can be a tremendous source of strength for you. When you are feeling a bit ungrounded, support from others can help you keep perspective and moving ahead.
Recall other times in your life when you’ve successfully dealt with transitions.
What helped you get through that period in your life? Looking back, how do you feel about the past decisions you’ve made? What were you proud of, and what would you have done differently? Reflecting on your past can help you to make good decisions as you move forward.
When you’re in transition, it’s easy to become overly focused on yourself.
One way to shift your focus is to look at others who may need your help. If you’re at work, it may be a coworker who you notice is having a bad day. If you’re in a prenatal yoga class, reach out to another mom-to-be that seems like she is having a hard time. Making an effort to support others helps you remember that everyone struggles at times, and that human connection can be a powerful aid in helping get through it.
Transitions are unique times when we move between the new and the old. While the circumstances are always different, the skills and attitudes needed to successfully navigate the change are always the same; being positive, patient, proactive and having a plan.
Embrace the new journey and the new you!
References
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201307/keys-handling-lifes-transitions
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shannon-kellogg-psy-d/life-transitions-identity_b_3456314.html